I hate being this busy

Yesterday my VISA card was declined. Seems I hadn’t paid my bill last month – and the fact that I always pay the full balance on time  didn’t register on their computer. Why didn’t I pay my bill? For the same reason I forgot to do a whole host of things: I’m absolutely overwhelmed. And the bill is somewhere, under something.

I cannot find my desk. I’m sure it’s there, as something must be holding up all of these pieces of paper.


I cannot keep up with my calendar. People change times, I shift appointments. For some reason, I end up losing a percentage of these changes and need to check when I get a vague memory of something wrong.

I can’t keep up with my emails. This week my computer decided to delete my many-thousand ‘sent’ files. I attempt to delete a hundred or so a day but that’s not enough apparently and I woke up to find zero – zip – 0 – files. How can I now remember who hasn’t gotten back to me? With so many new emails coming in, I never get a chance to go back and look at who owes me an email. Funny, I seem to be functioning well without them.

I can’t keep up with my life. I buy all my food at the ‘prepared food’ section at Whole Foods. There is no time to cook, so I just grab ‘something.’ Don’t get me started on finding time to get haircuts and do my nails. And I haven’t had a date in…. um… I think since last December when I was in Sydney, Australia. So much for being a human.

Last night at 10:17 I got an email from a client in the UK (where it was 4:17 a.m.!) and a cc’d response from a US client here in Austin. Why weren’t we all sleeping, or watching Jon Stewart, or sharing some Port with our spouses? I emailed back to them: What’s going on here? Surely we’ve got to get a life! One of them responded: This IS my life!


I am beginning to hate coming to my desk in the morning when I’m in town: I get an immediate stomach ache. I spend 3 hours a day answering email, 4 hours returning/making calls, one hour at the gym, writing 4 blog posts a week, making 10 cold calls a day, and taking coaching calls with clients. I begin my real work at 7:00 pm. The thought of spending a Saturday or Sunday cleaning up the mess is more than I can cope with. It’s bad enough I work Friday night – although I do take off at noon on Friday to go to the movies!

If I don’t have some down time, I’ll have a heart attack. I’m already so stressed that my body is reacting in many unspeakable ways. And my creativity is lost somewhere — so sad, as that’s my very favorite part of me. So I take off Saturdays and Sundays and lay in my hammock, reading a novel or two (and yes, sometimes a business book or book on decision making) and drool. And by Sunday evening, I begin to get a few ideas.

I know I’m not the only one. I just haven’t figured out what to do about it. I sometimes think about retiring, to sit on top of a mountain in Peru, or be a waitress in a restaurant in Juno, Alaska (and just read books for the dark months while living on my tips).

The internet has speeded everything up. All communication, all possibility. All the time. Sure, it’s a boon. But it’s exhausting, and it’s killing me. And I haven’t figured out how to make sense of my life. Or even have one. Just saying.


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6 thoughts on “I hate being this busy”

  1. I’m going camping this weekend, and taking no technology, cell phones, digital anythings with me. Unless you count the black cat flashlight I bought last night, but it isn’t digital. Hope you find time to breathe and enjoy the gorgeous outdoor weather — did you consider scheduling in a day off?

    1. The VA is not my problem: I am doing about 9 things at once, all have to be done by me – like developing content for technology partners, or writing blog posts, or speaking with licensees and prospects, etc. The easy stuff gets done by my team 🙂 Unless you want to have someone buy out that part of my company that works with the new, incoming, mainstream prospects. That would help a lot.

  2. Today, I had a late, long lunch with an old friend, something we don’t do as often as we used to. The restaurant was empty and we had a grand time. Baseball came up. His youngest son is extremely talented. I coached through the HS level and was president of a HS league for 6-years. The following was brought up in our conversation.

    The ballpark, and my family, were sanctuaries. Everyone in my industry new, no matter what how large the deal was, there were times when I was unreachable. It rarely cost me business, if at all, but it made me more desirable. I didn’t do it as a ploy, but it acted as one.

    I made a career choice in my mid 30s that I wanted a life, so I made one. Yes, it cost me career and business growth, which translates to money. Here’s another way to view my choice, I purchased priceless time with the income I turned down.

    I learned that it’s OK to say no.

    Sharon-Drew, I hope you don’t mind this longwinded comment, but you only live once and you can’t get it back or take it with you.

    1. You are right, of course. There were several years in which I would only work 5 months, and then take a month in India, or Nepal, or Peru. These past years, I’ve been developing software, writing books, etc. and putting my model into the world so it can have a home as I retire.

      My life is a bit complex in that I am responsible for bringing a new model into a world that 1. doesn’t know about it; 2. doesn’t necessarily want it; 3. many people don’t understand. And, as per my spiritual commitment and vow, I am responsible for that piece of the world.

      I do the best I can. Just send some loving my way. Sometimes visionaries just have a different life. Next lifetime I’m coming back as the Cookie Monster.

      1. The love is sent, I truly understand the spiritual commitment, and feel your pain and strain. At 18, I was on fire to conquer the world. My then mentor told me, “Slow down, it’s OK if a takes a few days longer.” It was excellent advice that I followed until 2001 when I tried the same thing you are.

        Then I survived a minor stroke in 2002. I’m doing very well, but it changed my life. If you damage your health or kill yourself, your project will not be completed by you.

        Take good care of yourself Sharon-Drew you deserve it. Signed, Someone that Cares 🙂

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